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February 15, 2023 at 5:00 AM
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Will You Be My Valentine?

February is the Month of Love. People all over plan for weeks, sometimes even months, the perfect evening filled with fancy dinners, roses, teddy bears and gifts. Even at school, kids exchange heart felt notes or candy to express to a crush, a friend, a classmate how much they mean to that person. February is also a time when loneliness can rear its ugly head and cause us to have thoughts of isolation, of unworthiness, of hopelessness. Often, holidays can be difficult for people who struggle with sadness or depression. And a holiday celebrating love can be devasting for someone who is single or has not yet experienced their first crush, or at least a crush that has been reciprocated. And I am completely aware that feelings of not being desired are universally painful, but I do think that pain hits a little different for young ladies and women. So, February is a month of Love…It is also a month that for many is hard…very hard.

Self-esteem is a very fragile and complicated entity. Often it can take years of the right person, a parent, a sibling, a teacher, a friend to help build but it can be broken in a matter of minutes. And like I mentioned, threats to self esteem can happen to anyone but I do believe it is more difficult to repair in women. Women have so many unreasonable standards and expectations to meet. Images of the perfect hair, the perfect body, the perfect career, the perfect relationship and they are all so unrealistic. And failure to achieve this ideal can serve as a threat to our self-esteem. Society places so much pressure for women to look a certain way and often when we don’t fit that model, we don’t receive the same attention as those who do. Now maybe there is a lack of attention because some people don’t appreciate the different sizes and shapes that women have, but I also think part of the issue is that when we don’t feel comfortable in our body, we as women hide. If our hair isn’t laid just right, those edges aren’t slicked down the way we like, we throw on a headband or hat, or sometimes stay home. If that dress doesn’t flow the way we like, we throw on some spanxx , and if we feel as though we don’t fit “the standard”, we may be less outgoing or shy.

It is no secret that patients with obesity have higher rates of depression and anxiety than their peers who have a BMI in the healthy range. What is a secret is how many physicians have a weight bias that makes it difficult for them to actually be a resource for these patients. Its February, so last month we all wrote out resolutions, joined gyms, joined dating websites and started a plan to achieve a goal. And for some those efforts have been successful, but for the ones who haven’t achieved that weight loss we are now searching for the next move. And maybe that move includes scheduling a doctor’s appointment. I mean, why not? It is the beginning of the year, we want to start off 2023 right #itsmytime #investinyourself #newyearnewme and All the Things!! But if you have reached the point where the membership didn’t work, this month was challenging for whatever reason, make sure the doctor you speak with doesn’t threaten your self-esteem more. Here is a secret: about 50% of physicians believe that obesity is caused by a lack of will power. Yes, I am serious 50%. And most physicians only received about 10-15 hours of training throughout their entire residency learning about the treatment of obesity. There was a fantastic story on NPR describing this weight bias in the medical field. So, this month’s blog is dedicated to the women, and men, searching for help because you want to stop hiding and maybe you feel taking about weight and weight management may help with this. If that is you, please make sure you are speaking to a physician who understands the importance of the sensitivity required in having these conversations. A physician who understands that obesity is a complex medical condition, usually caused by genetics, not what you eat or how much you exercise. A physician who understands that if you live in certain areas or have certain culture food practices it may be more difficult to treat obesity. And do this for yourself because self-esteem is fragile and we deal with enough attacks every day, don’t let your medical appointment experience be yet another attack on that list. This is the month of Love, so Love yourself, embrace your journey on the road to health, give yourself grace, and most importantly find the proper coach to join your team. I will leave you with this, I am board certified in obesity medicine, is your doctor???

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